Whats your name? the old man asked.
Cory Roarke, I said. My
hand popped mechanically forward to shake his. He
didnt move an inch.
Three days ago I stood in the loft of my South Dakota barn marveling at the
tininess of my world. Now, in a foreign
country halfway up some nameless mountain, I stared at the mans leathery nose,
broken in two places, and began to feel seventy-two hours worth of fatigue.
Vito, he said pointing a knotty, wrinkled finger at himself, still
without proper salutation. My outstretched
hand vanished behind my back. He wielded
power with his eyes, this man. I could feel
them, a tired shade of brown and set deep in his face, sizing me up. In almost a single motion I watched him stuff his
pipe into a vest pocket and descend from the craggy, vertical slope. He set slow, timorous steps upon the dirt road and
looked up at me, jaw set like dried cement. We
take drive, he ordered, settling into the passenger side of my rented car.
Considering my present location, I could summon no conceivable reason for his
ability to speak English. Choppy and
tentative, but adequate enough for limited communication.
Observing his scanty directions, I followed a path marked by a magnificent ceiling
of thick-settled trees. Olive trees? Cypress? What
grows in this part of the world? In the past
twenty-five years Id seen nothing but the tough blades of alfalfa, fescue and
timothy.
Is it my imagination or are we going up? I asked in my strongest voice.
Earlier, when I had stopped at the dead end and found him on the side of a hill
with his eyes closed, he replied, Im praying. Lost, hungry, exhausted and drops away from being
out-of-gas, I explained the desperateness of my situation.
He resumed the smoking of his pipe now and turned my way. Mountain has one road, he said looking
past me. Must go up first to get
down. And not a second after the words
left his mouth did I nearly drive off the edge of the planet. Brakes screeched, dust bowled around the car and,
in the clearing, I saw for the first time ever the alarming convergence of mountains and
sea. All my blood drained into my feet; for a
moment I could not breathe. The Amalfi
Coast, he announced in a tired voice, hand outstretched like an exasperated tour
guide.
Ive never seen such colors, I kept repeating every time the trees
disappeared.
I sounded like a tourist.
Vito seemed only concerned with his waning supply of tobacco. Every few minutes he added a word or two to his
side of things. I have six
daughters, he said, and then laughed making some crude gesture with his hands. I could already picture them -- charcoal-eyed and
wide hipped, long dancing smiles and laughter that flowed like summer rain. One of them planned to marry soon.
Whats her name? I asked.
Celeste, he said with a proud smile.
Shes forty-two. Celeste,
I repeated to myself. Hmm.
As we neared the coast toward the bottom of the mountain, the steepness started to
level. You understand were out of
gas? I asked in a rhetorical voice shaking my head.
There was no need for words at that point. Blessed
with a marginal decline, we glided the rest of the way into a small town he called Amalfi.
Id never heard such a beautiful word in my life.
The waterfront shops and cafes peered over the west-booted edge of Italy about to
be kicked into the Tyrrhenian Sea. If I
die this instant, I told him, I will have seen more beauty than most people do
their whole lives. Vito just grinned at
me or at something, oblivious to my sentiment. There
were no tables inside the cafe, only small round wobbly ones set outside on the uneven
patio cobblestones; the dusky ambiance illuminated by tall, gnarled, green-lit lanterns. I heard music coming from the top floor of the
cafe. The plump waitress who wiped the tops
of tables in long circles tapped her left foot to the beat.
I smelled garlic in the air, in the bathrooms and on the entire collective
breath of this country. It was wonderful.
Vito moved like a tortoise, I think less from old age and more from illness of some
kind. My grandfather, before he died, moved
like that; death shoving its way into his bones. When
I took out my wallet to pay for our supper, Vitos hand snapped down on mine like it
were a game show buzzer. No-no-no,
he said scolding. I looked down on the
wallet, my shamed fingers tipping the folded edges of some over-sized lire.
My grandfathers money sent me here to this country, to look for my mother. I flew semi-direct from Sioux Falls to Rome via
JFK, and rented a car to get south of Naples. I
missed the turnoff to Pompeii by fifteen miles, and by dusk I found myself halfway to the
moon. Over dinner, the sky turned fuschia
with ribbons of blue and gray woven into its startling tapestry, the greenish water below
a mirror of its magnificence. Was she out
there? In the sea? I could tell, somehow, that she sent me here. Something felt right in this place where women
wear see-through clothing and old men speak my language.
My pores -- gaping receptacles for basil and garlic-scented air and the fine briney
mist blowing off the sea; my spirit -- cleansed. Vito
and the accordion player embraced like brothers, and then Vito took over for him, dancing
to the rhythm of his own fingers.
I slept on a cot that night at the foot of Vitos bed in a room upstairs from
the cafe. The air smelled musky and stale. It became quickly apparent that Vito hadnt
bathed in a number of days. Neither had I,
come to think of it. Hours ago we seemed to
be on our way somewhere, yet now we slept to the lulling swoosh of waves. I tried to ignore the obvious facts -- a) lost, b)
out of gas, c) grinding noise my brakes made the whole way down the mountain, d) no clear
destination. This last one presented the
biggest problem. My eyes shut down like trap
doors the minute I felt the soft pillow beneath my head.
I dreamed of an English garden, white benches overgrown with pink heather,
lilac and wisteria hanging in soft clumps above its seat, the odor detectable a mile away. Then, of a woman in a dark mask swimming in a
lake, her scarlet dress trailing her in a shadowy pool of blood. The mind asleep reminds me of an unmanned
lawnmower.
Vitos oldest daughter approximated a modern Egyptian princess. Conceivable, I thought, Egypt just a hop across
the Mediterranean. Her skin revealed her
heritage -- dark caramel with chocolate eyes surrounded by the illusion of white opals,
red elongated lips, angular features. When
he introduced me to her, she was standing on top of some scaffolding set up at a
construction site, tool belt hanging loose on her waist.
I could feel my heart throbbing in my wrists and temples. I fell in love in the time it takes to sneeze.
Buon giorno, Celeste said, large round breasts swelling within her
tight sweater. At that moment I recalled
Vitos gesture in the car. I waved,
secretly praying I wouldnt say anything stupid.
Hes American, Vito yelled back as if she wouldnt have
known. Were building a wedding
house, he explained walking me around to the front of the structure. For Celeste and Francisco.
On the way, Vito mentioned the word Scala, strictly in passing. I could only assume thats where we now
were. The hollowed edifice faced the main
square, cobblestoned like Amalfis streets. Infinite
rows of tables with infinite dishes of food overlapped like DNA strands on one side of the
square attended to by colonies of women in smocks and aprons. The men, accompanied by Celeste and one other
woman, assembled the buildings walls. I
recognized an Amish quality about the entire scene, something out of place, beyond just
old-fashioned. All these people, old and
young men and women, knew each other, intimately, connected by the same genetic thread. I milled around them hiding my sweaty palms and
tried to look comfortable. I caught on quick
to the villages most peculiar feature - no plumbing or electricity. Could this be?
A farm boy, though, is used to such inconveniences.
I saw something so fondly naive about their way of life, insulated from a modern
orb of hairdryers, coffeegrinders and copy machines.
On our way to the village the other day, I watched Vito pull a cellular phone out
of his jacket pocket. For
emergencies, he explained with a red face. To
call for help if medical care is needed.
You are from America, one young woman said with a crooked-toothed grin. In an instant I recognized her as one of
Vitos daughters, same jaw and nose bridge. This
one seemed much homelier than Celeste; less refined, but more genuine. I liked her right away. Im Mona, she said and grabbed my
hand. Im Vitos youngest
daughter. Finally, someone with
manners.
Im a telephone operator. I
live in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Near the
Black Hills, I added as if this detail would mean anything to her. We sat down on a huge flat rock intended by nature
for just this purpose. Your
sisters getting married?
Yes. In just a few weeks. She does not speak English, only Papa and me. I work in the church mending dresses for the
choir.
Do you sing? I asked, taking inventory of her physical features. She didnt look like the women in Sioux
Falls, not anything like a rancher. Her skin,
unwrinkled from youth, would be satin smooth, I thought, stroking it with my mind. Her eyes -- bright, wide, innocent; hair black and
shiny like petals on a black rose. She
carried extra weight around her middle between her stomach and hips, and her behavior
offered no apology for this trait. She gave
herself to me in the simplest of ways -- Here I am, she seemed to say.
Yes, she answered. Ill
be singing at the service on Sunday if youd like to hear me. I am told I sing like an angel. And again, her smile sawed right through me. I knew, then, there could be nothing hidden about
her.
Mona and I went swimming after supper in the lake behind the church. She told me of her independence in getting a
degree from a small liberal arts college in Rome. Since
graduation she had been studying, independently, English, German and French.
It is my dream to be a translator, and to leave this mountain forever,
she confessed in a whisper. With her, I felt
again like I had as a child, intrepidly willing to try everything. In the days I spent in Vitos village, I came
to realize that these inhabitants were a pod all belonging to the same family, all watered
by Vitos potent seeds. While my car got
fixed by Cinzio, one of Vitos sons, I agreed to help work on the wedding house. Having grown up on a farm, I had no trouble making
friends with hard work. My mother, Regina
Roarke, left us the day after my birthday in 1978. I
had been straining milk in the barn when I heard the screeching tires on her El Camino for
the last time.
In spite of my connection to Mona, I could not ignore how my body reacted to
Celestes ethereal presence. I perspired
from every possible orifice. My tongue fell
asleep when she spoke my name. Her accent
made it sound oriental, as she interchanged the r in Cory with an
l. Of all Vitos daughters,
it was Celeste who asked to know the details of my life, with Mona always inches away blue
and brooding. Celeste barely spoke any
English but I could tell she comprehended my words. I
sat with her on the same rock Id sat with Mona the first day. One night after supper she carried a lantern in
one hand and a jug of wine in another. We sat
on the stone, the impending silhouette of her wedding house towering above us like a
giant. Mona chaperoned our every word and
movement; I heard her soft body moving around in the woods between the structure and the
church. Celeste looked up.
Mo-na! Celeste yelled to her sister.
The movements ceased. Mona,
viena qua, seuta giela. Ma cuefa?
Mona emerged from the dark woods with leaves stuck in her hair.
Celeste stared into her plump form with glass contention. Ma tu capice quista ca?
Mona nodded, sat down on the ground at our feet.
A translator.
In response to their question of my profession, I answered, I work for the
telephone company as an operator. I assist
people calling out of state or out of the country, or with telephones which need
repair. They acknowledged this like
Id said I was an ambassador to a foreign country.
I live on a farm in the heartland of the USA.
South Dakota is a place of terrible winters and terrible summers. The two women repeated the word
terrible to each other several times. This
talking triangle went on for six nights, and during the days I sweat under the sun and
shadows of cypress trees standing like soldiers around the perimeter of the vacant lot,
hammering nails, adhering sheet rock to the wood frame, outlining windows. And every day for lunch the women prepared a feast
of salads covered with anchovies and olive oil, crusty breads and focaccia with no butter,
linguini and penne smothered in a simple red sauce of pomodoro tomatoes, long floppy basil
leaves and gentle-roasted garlic. I could
feel the pasta in my belly pushing against the waist of my pants.
After two weeks I started inquiring about my mother.
Nobody in Scala knew of her. The last
postcard my grandfather received had stamps from Naples and Calabria on it. According to my triptik, Scala lay somewhere
between the two. Mona agreed to assist me on
my search. Shes probably changed
her name and long gone from here. Could be
in Northern Africa by now, I told her in an ugly splash of reality.
The town stayed busy preparing for Celestes wedding to Francisco, a young,
sinewy handsome brute fifteen years her junior. He
was Scalas only electrician. I watched
through a peekhole in the church wall as Celeste got fitted for her wedding gown. At forty-two, she had the figure of a ballerina
half her age. Even though I took every
precaution to insure discretion of this visual invasion, I looked behind me checking
peoples faces for two days after, soiled by my own conscience. That night I dreamt of my mother. It was a dream Id had hundreds of times. Cory, go feed the pigs in the corral. And then separate the sick ones from the ones that
arent infected, she told me in a vibrating voice. She wore a white dress with short sleeves and
ruffles on the bottom, no shoes protecting her thin, porcelain feet. Her skin glowed from the suns reflection off
the layer of freckles on her face, neck and arms. She
resembled the Roarkes with her light hair and coloring, but her side came from northern
Italy up by the Yugoslavian border, indicated by her pointy nose and cheekbones. In my dream and in real life, all the pigs died
that year. My father had died of shingles the
year before, and besides a few head of cattle, the pigs were all we had. My mother left that summer. I was eight.
From the west part of Scala you could see the ocean.
At dusk, the pink horizon framed the emerald sea even lovelier than it had in
Amalfi. I discovered by accident, however,
the much more interesting view from the east. Mona
bathed naked in the lake every morning at six oclock.
Her round behind, full breasts and plump middle seemed almost elegant as her
wet skin glistened in the glow of early dawn. Despite
my tongue-tiedness around Celeste, I found myself hungering for that which only Mona could
give me. Shes Vitos youngest
daughter, I repeated to myself as if he were some Roman god capable of vile punishments. Celeste, over the period of three weeks, began to
take on a somewhat Oedipal aspect to me -- her beauty still so infectious it forced me to
look away. Yet her maternal affection, a
gesture of both friendship and intimacy, warmed a deep freeze within my hollow chest. I came upon her one morning in a field of yellow
grass collecting flowers in a silver bucket. All
frumpy in a kerchief and long dress, this vision of her struck me in a way ones
favorite childhood toy or blanket does decades later.
She reminded me of my mother in a way I could not describe.
After witnessing Monas bathing ritual, I fell asleep on a soft pad of grass
surrounding Malagari Lake. The sun massaged
my body, sore, cramped and callused from three weeks of hard labor. The house was almost finished. This realization caused me mixed feelings. Soon I would be leaving, yet I felt as if Id
been born into this primeval land of olive trees, tepid sea and smiling women. Constant dreams bubbled through my weary
consciousness like water from an imaginary current. This
time, I saw my mother in the lobby of a small pensione in Rome. Her blonde hair grayed, smoking the same brand of
cigarettes and shaking her right leg crossed over the left.
A family trait. I sat down at her
table, and when I held her hand she cried. In
that moment I almost forgave all her sins, so touched by our sad reunion three decades
later. This ghostly image returned to me the
dense, milky pieces of a lost life I never wanted back.
Until now. Still dreaming, my mind
returned me to the town of Salerno just south of Naples where I stopped to buy gas,
food-to-go and items for the road. Vore
una pellicola per questa machina photografica? I asked in a rehearsed voice. The man behind the counter, confused and scowling,
had opened his mouth, dry and cracked in the corners and said simply, Film? Now, while he danced with my mother, she wore the
same red dress as the swimmer in my dream weeks ago.
The night before the wedding, Vito refused to sleep.
I know this because Id been staying with he and his wife in their spare
bedroom off the kitchen. He stayed awake in
the kitchen all night alternating between cooking, mumbling to himself, singing and
banging together dishes pots and pans. At
five a.m. after memorizing every dip and fold in the stained ceiling, I got up. A cup of warm milk mixed with strong coffee
appeared before me.
You could not sleep? he asked. I
felt like strangling him. Hands red and
dripping with marinara sauce, hair stuck out at ninety degrees, he resembled an emergency
room surgeon three days without sleep.
Not with all the noise youre making, I blurted out, nerves raw
from over-exhaustion. What are you
doing out here?
My wife says I cook to calm my mind.
I looked into his eyes, tiny black seeds submerged in deep layers of wrinkled, dark
skin, and at once understood. Your
daughters getting married, I said.
He stopped what he was doing, sat opposite me at the square kitchen table. Celeste is my oldest daughter but has lived
with me the longest, he explained with full gesticulation, a tear filling his left
eye. Ive lived with Angelina for
fifty-seven years, I smiled at his words, and we fight ev-ery day. I wear a hat that makes my hair too thin, I walk
like a hunchback, smoke too much tobacco, snore in my sleep. But my smart, beautiful daughters see me a
different way. To them, I am a spicy old
sage, the wise elder of our village.
Celeste will live just a few houses away, I argued, gulping the hot
coffee.
He patted my hand with his tanned, armored paws.
Cory Roarke, young man, when a mans daughter grows up and leaves his
house, its like getting a finger cut off. At
first you are blind with pain. And then, over
time, you learn to get on without it. But,
and then he stuck out his index finger and held it with his other hand, nothing ever
takes its place.
A few hours later when the sun broke through a brick wall of clouds, the women
bathed first in the lake while the men watched from behind rocks and trees. No one watched the men bathe. Vito seemed in rare form despite his lack of sleep
and mental agility. Only one
left, I saw him whisper in Monas ear; she rolled her eyes at him. Oddly, he looked at me after saying this. Mona wore a stark white dress gathered at the
waist with darts accentuating her bust line, a single strand of pearls and full makeup. Celeste hid in Vitos basement for most of
the morning, Francisco paced in the front yard. Cinzio
and I sat on the talking rock and argued about the fate of my rented vehicle. A master mechanic as Id been informed, he
insisted that the transmission needed rebuilding. What
had he been doing with it all this time? Quanto
costa? I badgered him with no reply. My
work on the wedding house was to be used in trade for repair to my car. I had no idea about the workings of any vehicle
besides a tractor, but I knew transmission work to be costly. I resigned myself to our argument and just watched
Cinzios frantic dialectal sign language, with Mona always in my periphery. All morning I watched her wipe down the long
tables, unfolding tablecloths and assembling complex native dishes, all without breaking a
sweat. Monas body twisted and gabbed
in exaggerated motions, the striking antithesis to her sisters gracefulness. Watching her, I thought of ships in choppy water.
By eleven oclock, one hour before the ceremony was to start, Vitos six
daughters fluttered around the front of his house like a flock of geese. Screaming, crying, laughing, arguing, all in
ruffled, diaphanous white dresses bigger than themselves.
Never had I known anything like them. Ranchers
are stiff and tight-lipped.
Cinzio looked about my size. He
invited me to borrow a dress shirt, tie and pants for the ceremony. We swarmed together like bees from Vitos
yard to the church. A tiny old woman with
hair wrapped hard into a bun of tar played the organ.
When she smiled I saw two yellow teeth interrupting a wall of red gums. I glanced over at Mona now, sitting with her
brother, Cinzio, half her size. She was not
pretty. No one would think so. Yet I made love to her over and over in the warm,
soft grass on the banks of Malagari Lake. An
oyster shell, green gray and uneven, came to mind when I looked at her. I knew now what pearls she kept inside. She told me to come in from behind, her favorite
position. I did this and held onto the pink
knobs of her inviting breasts and remembered the genuineness of her smile the first day we
met. I could not stop my flood of orgasms. Monas face had sank in the time I spent
staring at her; something not quite right. Cinzio
frowned beside her, moving his hands around in his pockets.
Whats wrong? I asked Vito. Every
two seconds he kept wiping his palms on the legs of his pants, and the itchy, gritty
polyester fabric made his hands sweat even more. I
knew this feeling.
Celeste is gone! he yelled in a tight whisper. My stomach churned.
Seventy-five people dressed in black and white sat in the church pews. Waiting.
Where is she?
Vito put a hand on my shoulder. I knew
what was coming. She took my car,
I said and realized at the same moment. She
must have; I heard her tell Mona she had to pick up something at Cinzios.
Vito nodded and looked at the ground. Do
you love my daughter? he asked with an unfamiliar, almost devious spark in his eye.
Uh, yes, Celeste is wonderf-
No-no-no, he yelled. Mo-na!
I knew the answer without having to think for an instant. Yes, I answered.
Come with me, he yelled again and dragged me by the hand through the
thin patch of woods to return to the church. Cinzio
sat alone now in the second row. Mona
disappeared from sight, Vito loomed above the empty space in the pew.
No one got married in Vito Ciambrones village that day, or that year, from
what I heard. I used Vitos cellular
telephone to dispatch a taxi cab from Amalfi to Naples -- a four hour drive through an
enchanted countryside. My face remained stone
hard while I said goodbye, my nerves ready to pop at any moment. Mona appeared at Vitos door the morning of
my departure, dressed in blue jeans, boots and a long tunic shirt. In my months stay, I never saw her out of a
full dress except at the lake. Moved by this
courageous symbol of change, I stepped back to get a good look at her.
I found myself looking at my mother, the way she was dressed that day in 1978. Mona did not resemble her in the least; but
because of her, my unresolved feelings about my mother now seemed as calm as the lake
water.
You have seamstresses in Sioux Falls, no? Mona asked with a sly smile
and pulled from behind her back two full suitcases. When
I grabbed her hand, I wiped away tears with the other hand, unsure if they were hers or
mine.